Concluding a Purpose

It seems I've fallen out of touch with this blog. I know that it's probably more pragmatic than the one I keep. Then again, the one I keep on myspace gives me a place to write more creatively and I know who will or will not see it. Unlike many who blog or "journal online," I am not one to dive into the "diary of my day" or perhaps live for the world to know my sorrows. Rather, I tend to write the best picture of what I am thinking. It comes in my disortations, if you will, and most certainly my poetry. I suppose I had started this blog to write of my journalist propensities and perhaps my travels- and as of late I have not traveled far. But it certainly has taken me this long to come to that conclusion. Reading what I previously wrote may have seemed as if I were attempting something that just was not succeeding. I can only hope that from this day forward, I will progress my goal for this blog. While the continents and countries of the world await me; I can at least begin with what I have and what I know. To offer humanity to journalism is a true taste of the heart of a journalist. More to come and hopefully, with more to offer....

Finding a Direction

It's funny; I started this blog months ago and have not been terribly consistent with it. I always make such a claim, but often forget. The truth is, I procrastinate. I tend to pay more attention, that is, post more, to my myspace blog. Most of my writing there is inspirational, personal or relational in some way. I have often struggled to figure out just what I want to use this blog for, hoping that I would able to target my passion for news, media, politics and even philosophy. But I don't always know quite how to express my thoughts. I introduced myself when I first started here, then I put together a story about something important going on in the world and finally, my last one, I wrote about my passion for journalism and how a journalist's memoir inspired me. Here I am again, and thinking I will take another turn.

It occurred to me the other day that the more passionate we are about something, the more obstacles we need to conquer to get to it. I find myself in such a position. Whether it's my career or my relationships- there are challenges. And not all the challenges are addressed in a "life manual." It also occurred to me that if we are passionate, we should expect obstacles. Unfortunately, in a world of disillusionment and dictated appearances; fairytales rarely, if ever, exist. If we, if I am not facing challenges and walls- then I am not driven enough. But despite the fact that my obstacles can be warying, discouraging or even damaging- I find that I am still satisfied. One might ask, "how is that even possible?" I believe, no; I know that it comes from a deep sense of inner peace. It comes from knowing what I am destined to do. It comes from the inspirations I find around me- people who've worked just as hard, if not harder, to accomplish some of the greatest things known to mankind.

I have to be honest: as I'm writing this blog, there is a part of me that feels guilty. I feel that way b/c I fear I have somewhat deviated from my original purpose for this blog site. Simultaneously, I know that perhaps this will instill another sense of motivation, one that will keep me writing here, and introducing more of what I love the most- my writing. Perhaps my lapse in posting has been b/c of business or perhaps I just haven't known what to write or maybe even it's just plain forgetfulness. Nevertheless; this is refreshing to review what I am up against and what I can do to keep going.

I am a determined young woman. I won't stop until I "get there." I recently saw the trailer for "The Pursuit of Happiness," starring Will Smith. What caught my attention was a quote at the end of the trailer. Smith looks at his son and tells him, "You want somethin'? Go get it. Period." Isn't that what we all should be doing? Life doesn't just fall in your lap. It takes persistance, knowing when to wait, knowing when to bust through a few walls.

Painting a picture: I thought about a person who is on their road of life and comes up against a brick wall. It could be a regret, past pains, frustrations w/ circumstances or people- the list continues- but it's their wall, their demon, their obstacle. I believe and I know that sometimes we don't have a rope to use in order to climb over the wall. We don't have a match to burn it and we must get to that other side. It becomes a football game. It's time to bust through that wall. It's time to just break it. There might be a few injuries or maybe it will simply take some time. But once on the other side...can you imagine anything more rewarding??? I can't.

I hope this challenges you. I know it's making me think...inspiring me even, for the better....I look forward to what more I can write to you and I pray bear with me here.

Dispatches From the Edge: Going After a Dream

Dear Friends & Readers-

I am writing from the bottom of the totem pole. I currently work for CNN. I log the satellite feed from the routers, both domestically and internationally. Having only worked for CNN 9 months, grateful for this “shoe-in” position, I am eagerly searching for others, hoping to learn along the way. I suppose you could say I am young woman seeking to accomplish dreams- how optimistic- with a determination, that among most in my generation, seems so unreal. Nevertheless I am here. I want to share with you a little bit about my story, if you don’t mind. I just finished reading a Memoir, Dispatches from the Edge by Anderson Cooper, and for what reason, I am not sure yet, I just felt the need to write my thoughts on it. Again, I hope you don’t mind and I hope you will be patient as I unfold my own story. I have always loved to read. I have my father to thank for that. At a young age, he encouraged my reading and early on had me sifting through his thick novels, political journals and of course- the news. I often get the eyebrow when I tell people that one of the things I enjoy doing “for fun” is reading. One afternoon; after a long day at CNN, I decided I'd to head to Borders -to do just that. I thought I would pick up the latest books & mags that were out, and start a chapter, read an article...I can’t buy all the books I want, so sometimes, like sitting in a library, I read what I can until I can’t anymore and go home. I picked up Dispatches from the Edge first; I had been interested for sometime- after hearing Cooper promote it and of course watching him so many nights on AC360. I couldn’t put down. What started out to be a chapter or two turned quickly into the entire book. I finished it in 3 hours. But I don’t say that with a whole of pride. I wish I hadn’t, I think mainly because I sat in my car for almost ten minutes staring, my insides screaming to cry, the tears “right there,” and nothing coming out. Apparently, it had an impact. What he said, ALMOST made sense, but from a distance. At the same time, on some strange level, my heart felt everything.

Growing up, there were a lot of things I wanted to do- be a cop, a detective, when I was young, a starving musician, a hippie (so I could travel) and even my folks had me convinced at one point that I wanted to be an architect, & make a lot of money….but somehow, none of it really resonated. I wasn’t as passionate as I thought I was. I was junior in high school before I realized how much I love to write, how much I loved reading true stories, and telling them when I had one. But it wasn’t until I graduated that I had nailed it. I wanted nothing more than to be a war correspondent. I couldn’t explain it to anyone, let alone tell them. There was something about the story of the dying, struggling, the poor, or the soldier that I wanted to tell. Now there is much I could add here about my struggles growing up, but you know, none of that seems to matter and it certainly doesn’t encompass all that I hope to share. Since I graduated high school, I have not lived in one place/apartment for more than 6-8 months- I get itchy and want change, I love change. I held odd jobs, in retail, waiting tables and even Nanning all the while working and volunteering for local weeklies (newspapers) and making friends with the homeless, the buscars and the old men in the coffee shops. I’ve lived in Kansas City, several Locations in Colorado Springs and Florida. I paid for school on my own, never having any help and never able to get financial aid (finally coming out with an AA Degree in Journalism). I became independent, probably too much at times. I waltzed through a serious relationship, one that turned into a difficult marriage and divorce. At 23 years old, I have lived through more than my share; it certainly does not warrant bragging rights, but I don’t regret it either. I suppose everything served a purpose. Nonetheless- my passion, my drive- they stayed with me.

I remember the first time I opened my mouth about wanting to be a war reporter. It’s not an easy ambition to admit, most people might look at you funny and it’s certainly not a prayer you throw in God’s direction. But I had just gone through a book, written by one of my mentors, John Bolin and he and I were sitting in his kitchen, making coffee. His book is called Life Unlimited; it’s about getting past the mundane in life, pursuing and accomplishing dreams- being satisfied and seeking more all the time, a life that he openly lives. It’s not so much a “how to” book, if you read it for that, you might get confused; it’s more inspirational, spiritual. He was my sage, I was lucky and as we dissected the ideas he had written about, I told him what I wanted to do. He looked at me for a minute- and since that moment, more than once he has told me that while he thinks I’m crazy, he believes I’m destined to do it. I’d agree and with that said; I don’t have the slightest clue why it attracts me. I knew Cooper had felt that feeling. He said at one point in his book, “I wish I knew how to explain it to them.” It’s not to say that I would not be afraid…I think….I would say that while I’m not afraid to go, I would be afraid to get there- does that make sense? I agree with him when he states that any fearless fool is just that, a fool.

I know that at one point over the last few years there have been small moments of despair and out of that, I think “I’d rather feel the pain of war than the horror I go through now.” It’s a strange thought, to be honest with you. He mentioned that when he went to Africa; it was a place to forget and be forgotten. I suppose that attitude has come out at times. Then like an oxymoron- there is the inspirational side of me that says, if I can find one person’s story to tell, maybe I can change the world. Then again- he stated that he's just not shocked anymore, that it deepened his resolve- I haven’t been shocked yet. Moved, but…not shocked. For a long time, and this was due to the relationship I had, I was immersed in military affairs and surrounded by vets, young officers and enlisted guys- the ones who’ve been in Iraq, you can only imagine the stories they’ve confided with me, the ones who hadn’t been, their good and bad drives toward it were reflected all the time. I thrived on it and hated it all at the same time. I was always jeered and joked at- they told me I was the “perfect military girlfriend,” because I was the only female who’d go see the war films, talk about them, and loved being engrossed in the political gruff of it all. It made me that much more passionate to be a part of it; “catch it in action.”

My outlook now is much better than it was 6 months ago or even a year ago, but there are moments, esp. after reading that book, I strangely identified with his bleakness. I want to travel, I am determined to go, to see it all, and yet what I know I have to prepare for I can never understand until I’m there. It’s a whirlwind of emotions, I just cannot explain. I don’t know how. I suppose one day, I will write my own memoir of sorts, sharing my life lessons, one’s I’ve learned thus far and anticipate learning, but at the moment, I’m still at the bottom of the totem pole, looking for any opportunity I can grab hold of.


Peace Be With You- Ash

Burning Freedom of Press

NAIROBI- Soon after midnight on March 2nd, masked and armed with AK-47s; police raided Kenya's leading newspaper, The Standard, burning thousands of the daily papers and seizing production equipment- including computer disks and camera footage. They also stormed into Kenya Television Network (KTN) and shut the station off air until the afternoon.

The raid came only days following the arrest of three journalists from The Standard who had allegedly reported that President Kibaki had secretly met with former Environment Minister Kalonzo Musyoka. According to an Associated Press report, the Kenyan media has "reported aggressively on corruption scandals swirling around President Mwai Kibaki." On Tuesday, March 7th, thousands of protesters marched through Nairobi demanding the Internal Security Minister, John Michuki, be removed from office. Reports say Michuki approved the raid saying, "If you rattle a snake, you must be prepared to be bitten by it." Michuki also claims that the raids were issued in order to "protect state security." Previously on Monday; The Standard Group took the Government to court, with John Michuki and Police Commissioner Major General Hussein Ali as key recipients of the charges. Ali stated that he had no knowledge of the raids and was out of the country during them. But "they [The Standard Group] argue that the illegal raids, search and detention of its employees amounts to subjecting them and their employees to torture, inhuman and degrading punishment and treatment, which is contrary to the constitution," says The Standard.

Reportedly, Kibaki, who came to power in 2002, won by opposing fraudulent behavior and as a people's president, but has had three ministers resign over the last month due to rumors of corruption allegations. The Standard claims the raid was an attempt by the government to stiffer their freedom of press and investigative journalism. The United States Embassy in Kenya has criticized the raids calling them "acts of thuggery" according to the Associated Press.

The United Nations and the European Union also have expressed their disapproval and have called for an investigation. The Standard states that The World Bank has even made Freedom of Press a condition on their lifting their aid freeze, one that was incorporated after uncovered government scandals in February. The Standard has threatened to press charges against the government over the raids.

This event took place just over a month ago and it continues to be protested by the Standard itself as well as other sources. Some questions to consider: How important is it to have freedom of press? Should there be any limitations? If so, what ought they to be? What do you consider corrupt in the media? in Government? What are other considerations not mentioned here?

All the Bustle in Blogging....

I didn't even know where the word come from, "blog," almost sounded like a "gag" word, something we strange human specimans just jibbered one day. Then I was educated, "it comes from the the words Web log," he told me, "we're lazy human beings who have to short hand everything!"

Oh, I agree that we're lazy, more often than not, but I thought it was cool anyway, so I decided to dabble into this addictive writing form. Sure, I've done the eroneous deed on myspace.com, jotted some personal stories and thoughts down on life and love and inspiring the world, but I started to think, "you know, I'm a journalist, an aspiring traveler, a philisophical and political human speciman, so why not have a real "web log" and create a place to discuss a plethora of profound ideas, views and questions."

So here I am, desiring more for my "blogging" experience. I will report, commentate, share and ask questions. My hope is that you will accept my invitation to open your minds and with your thoughts at your fingertips, enter the discussion, agree, disagree, fight even over the world around us.

Entering the addiction now....!